I don't belong anywhere
It's so clear I don't belong anywhere. I've been searching for a tribe since I was a little girl and there isn't a tribe for me. I belong nowhere and with no one. It's a weird state to realize and an awful notion to chance upon.
Being able to do normal things, like most humans, should be natural however, there are no such rites in this day and age and the convoluted supposed to have died without dignity. Having PTSD and social anxiety with depression seems to keep you on the shores of warm waters that are festering with man-eating sharks. I try to be involved with people but they are baffling to me as they don't adhere to much but are slaves to pop culture. I'd rather have conversations about real life and the ever submitting seasons that draw us further from our natural rhythm than closer and no one seems to notice...I guess I do.
On Halloween, I had a pretty good panic attack at a club full of adults, doing adult things. Because of some small triggers, which led to large anxiety, then, gave birth to full-blown panic and the desire to run the fuck out of there( it looked more like resting bitch face), my best friend abandoned me for a quick piece and escape leaving me with what I started, anxiety and more regrets. At this point, you have to consider the history that led up to this particular moment. The action may have been different yet the result is the same, how so? Not sure why men are less than these days or why hook-up culture is present but they seem to go hand in hand. Sad really. What most are raging for is a connection. Most people cut their own nose to spite their face, rather, they complain about someone pissing on their territory while they lift their very own leg. Boys are dumb creatures as a whole but Men are elusive and are almost rare. We won't even discuss gentlemen because that will make me cry. Incredibly disappointed in how things work with the opposite sex, more disenchanted than anything, yet I am not inclined to switch teams just because of a few grievances. I digress...with that line of thinking, it's no wonder, I feel like I don't belong.
Being able to do normal things, like most humans, should be natural however, there are no such rites in this day and age and the convoluted supposed to have died without dignity. Having PTSD and social anxiety with depression seems to keep you on the shores of warm waters that are festering with man-eating sharks. I try to be involved with people but they are baffling to me as they don't adhere to much but are slaves to pop culture. I'd rather have conversations about real life and the ever submitting seasons that draw us further from our natural rhythm than closer and no one seems to notice...I guess I do.
On Halloween, I had a pretty good panic attack at a club full of adults, doing adult things. Because of some small triggers, which led to large anxiety, then, gave birth to full-blown panic and the desire to run the fuck out of there( it looked more like resting bitch face), my best friend abandoned me for a quick piece and escape leaving me with what I started, anxiety and more regrets. At this point, you have to consider the history that led up to this particular moment. The action may have been different yet the result is the same, how so? Not sure why men are less than these days or why hook-up culture is present but they seem to go hand in hand. Sad really. What most are raging for is a connection. Most people cut their own nose to spite their face, rather, they complain about someone pissing on their territory while they lift their very own leg. Boys are dumb creatures as a whole but Men are elusive and are almost rare. We won't even discuss gentlemen because that will make me cry. Incredibly disappointed in how things work with the opposite sex, more disenchanted than anything, yet I am not inclined to switch teams just because of a few grievances. I digress...with that line of thinking, it's no wonder, I feel like I don't belong.
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