These Dreams are Telling

For days, it seems, I have been dreaming of people who have wronged me, listening to them explain why they feel so hurt by my leaving and why it is we "need" to have this conversation.

In my waking hours, there would not be a time where this was possible because they way we both left it seemed final. Giving myself time to walk through the hyms and haws of their malaise in my sleeping hours allows me to me let go in my waking.

The dreams are very long and drawn out with others involved. The settings are usually in the form of a party or some gathering of mutual interests. The conversations are the same...for all. They make points, I smile and nod. They express their feelings, I smile and not. They then ask if I have anything to say, I read them the riot act in calm conclusion.
           These dreams are telling.

The situation often changes as I become more rested in my resolve. "I'm glad you got whatever it is you needed to get out. I hope You feel better now that you've made a scene among colleagues. There isn't much else to say. Enjoy the rest of your evening". And off I'd go to enjoy the life I've created after them.

In the beginning, these dreams were full of piss & vinegar with nashing teeth and claws, extracting the vile supposed thing that broke our friendship or what have you. Relishing couldn't come close to the fulfillment it brought me. As time moved on, so did I. A sense of "could care less" overrides any leftover embellished contorted backlash I could have mustered in waking or dreaming. If I could have I'd...if only they'd see how I've...I just want an apology so that...and so on.

Case in point: my ex husband and I attended a function, not knowing one or other was attending, haphazardly bumping into one another in awkward surprise and uncomfortable exchanges of greetings. As he fumbled to make small talk, I calmly excused myself so that I could speak with better company, I did not say that but it was implied. Later that evening, I gave a speech about consent, communication and the importance of staying in like with your beloved as they are going through hard times such as depression or PTSD. There wasn't a standing ovation but there was an outstanding applause from the gathering of people who specifically came to see me and many others on this topic.

Did I ever reconnect with said ex? No, I did not. Was there a feeling of vindication, not a one. I was too busy with my partner, and guess whom we invited, to worry about much else. When I wake... I do feel satisfied that I gave the speech of my career.
        These Dreams are Telling.